The second line of the first haiku and the last of the last are a bit odd to me, but I really like this piece for some odd reason..

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Schlachthof fünf
Biblioklept
1000 Wonderful Stars

I got some great imagery from this (wind singing)!

i want to hump it

remind me to do a goods critique on this one later plx.

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There is a really sweet nature to this, very appropriate for the time of year and the collaboration of certain words create a gentle ambience. However, in terms of haiku I feel it is kind of wordy. I understand you are aiming for the 5-7-5 form of haiku, but there are certain places where the words aren’t needed yet still create the same point but tighter. It’s something I really like in effective haiku is how few words can create such beautiful images- something I learnt myself from haikuwrimo last year. Therefore I have gone through this and just tried to tighten a few of those phrases for you…

Heaven falling
Birds worship the singing winds
Graceful songs of love

Soar higher

Rushing faster
Never stopping for air
Life breathes within.

Open your eyes.

Eternity waits;
Mist lingers from clouds--
Refreshing minds.

Hearts beat together.

Of course you don’t have to use my amendments; play with the words how you desire. I hope it helps you though. I do like the imagery in this, its very gentle and natural which is exactly what traditional haiku maintains. Nice work!

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RAR!

Becca - I am truly thankful for this great critique. You offer so much time doing so, even on my amateur poetry. heh. I will take your suggestions into consideration! I'm planning on revising many of my pieces, and this one falls under that category. :]

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I'm glad!

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The worship portion of the 2nd line was meant to represent the movement of the birds movement against the sky. If that makes sense. Why do they seem odd to you, may I ask?

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Hmm, I'm not entirely sure. I understood the line, mind you, but the mental flow of images seems to derail around those lines.. I can't really place it, I'm sorry. However, I'm glad to see a good compilation of haiku with no cutting corners. Few can make it sound quite as right as you do and keep true to the form, with it's restrictions. I did fave it for a reason . Good work

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Alternate titles. Can you name 'em?
Schlachthof fünf
Biblioklept
1000 Wonderful Stars

I just realised that when I'm reading haiku, my fingers automatically count out the syllables. I'd never noticed that before.

The poem is beautiful. I like the individual lines in italics, asides to the subject, showing the real meaning.

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